I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
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