Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
