do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
