Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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