I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
