He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
