Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
