I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
