yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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