you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
