its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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