the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
