I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
