Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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