that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
