Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
