I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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