K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
