How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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