Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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