I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I am one with the molecules
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
