He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
