i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am available for nakedness
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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