I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
