no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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