Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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