watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We smell like vodka and hangover
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