I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
