she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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