Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
