Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
