**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
