my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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