We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
