I haven't been this sober since birth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
