I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
