Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
