By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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