Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have fence marks all over my body
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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