Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
