Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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