He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
