I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
