So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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