His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
