The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
