If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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