pop tarts are not kleenex
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
