Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
