I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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