Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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