i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
